Vodka and Cavier

I am small

25.1.10, 8:22 PM

& the world is big.
~
How does it feel to be different from me?
Are we the same? How does it feel?
I love that song <3>
& i also really love the song Baby ~ Justin Bieber right now.
Sooo cute (:

Blah, the past few days have been interesting.
I really like people :)
& I got two new cds:
MGMT & Cage the Elephant <3
& bought the new Justin Bieber single, lolol.
Wellll, I'm gonna go watch porn & eat icecream.
NOMNOMNOM<3 byyyye!

Have I found you

21.1.10, 6:29 PM

flightless bird <3
^ Reminds me of "IF YOU'RE A BIRD, THEN I'M A BIRD!" <3 ahhh, cute.

the past two days have been tough. people keep trying to get me in worse moods, even though i was FINALLY back to a happy state of mind. ~~FUCK MY "BEST" FRIENDS. they are freaks & sometimes they can be such losers.~~ ah, nevermind. I love them & i could never tell them to screw off. I'm just really angry with myself because I'm ALLLLL the way back down at my "fml" mood. & not the kidding one, either.

why can't I be happy? i think i'm moving to Tumblr, not Wordpress xx just so ya know.
i'll tune you all in laterrrr.

17.1.10, 10:02 PM

I have figured out that life is really quite hard sometimes. And I have also realized I try really hard, even if it doesn't seem like it. The past week was really hard, because I got to thinking about certain people. Here's my messages to them:

Person #1: I miss you. Like crazy. It's ridiculous. & now it's almost like you're teasing me. I cannot stand it. I think about you everyday. When I wake up, when I go to bed. And I know how creepy that sounds, but it's the truth. The complete and utter truth. It seems as though you're supposed to be in my life somehow, but we're not letting it happen. You hurt me SO much last time, and because of that I haven't let anybody new TRULY into my life except one person. I don't know if I can trust you. I just don't even know. I'm so pathetic and tired of waiting around for you. So I'm thinking about either telling you straight up or giving up. I just don't know.
Person #2: I'm pretty sure I love you. Oh God, I think I may.
Person #3: What's your problem with me? You're supposed to LOVE me forever, and care for me always, but you're so freaking crabby lately it doesn't even seem as though you do. You're driving me crazy.
Person #4: JUST QUIT IT. YOU'RE MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF. OBVIOUSLY HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU?
Person #5: Yeah, thanks for telling everyone. You're really cool? You're sooo popular? No. You agreed not to tell anyone, and I cannot wait for Shanga & Clarissa to bitch you out on Tuesday. And no, I will not stand up for you. It's not my fault your a lying bitch you can't keep things to yourself.

^ So yeah, your welcome everyone.
Btw, I might be moving my blog to Wordpress? Not sure yet.

SHAWTYS

, 8:24 PM

like a melody in my head.

Downloaded a whoooole bunch of music today & now I am a happyhappyhappy girl.
OHHH & I HAVE JOLLY RANCHERS?! holy hell, spectacular. <3

peeeeeeeeace out :3

today

14.1.10, 7:05 PM

sucked. & i feel like crying.
fml i feel like nobody cares anymore.
& everything is fucking annoying.
it's just not even worth it..

survey.

, 6:44 PM

Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
all the goddamn time. It gets so annoying, you have no idea. Plus i get uber emotional about stuff & end up crying. That's why i try not to think too much.

Do you wish a past relationship could have lasted longer?
well yah, i really miss talking to him & how he completely understood everything i said or thought. & now it almost feels like he's right in front of me, i just can't get ahold of him. UGH FML SORRY

Write random lyrics to the song you're listening to?
it's instrumental right now, since my dad is playing geeeeetarrrr heeeero!

Do you kiss and tell?
probably not, since i don't kiss a whole lot of people? Lol.

Have you had alcohol this week?
nope.

Are you happy with life?
life sucks sometimes, ya know. But right now i'm just trying to make it. Especially today, it was really hard for 90% no reason..

Could you cry right now?
honestly, yes.

Do you like the color orange?
it's cute.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
like 10:15 aha

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a S?
nope.

Ever kissed anyone 18 or older?
nope.

In the run of a week, how many times do you straighten your hair?
anytime i get ready lol.

Will you marry your high school sweetheart?
i'm not in highschool, nor do i have a "sweetheart"

Do you have feelings for anyone?
i'm so confused & unsure, it's not even funny.

Math or English?
math.

When was the last time you saw your father?
i can see him right now, :P

When was the last time you cried really really hard?
it's been a while.

How many times have you been pulled over by the police?
for something i did? none.

This time last month, were you single?
yah.

What about now?
mhm.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
waking up = not a happy task.

Does it take a lot to make you cry?
not usually. Most of the time things have to be truly effed up.

Have you ever told anyone you were okay when you really weren't?
all the time. That's the only time I'm a good liar.

Did you ever own one of those kid electric cars?
i think maybe once?

Who taught you how to swim?
one of the swim teachers at the elementary pool.

What was your favorite meal as a child?
tacos.

Do you know what your name would have been if you where opposite sex?
alex, ohho how original.

Do you have any twins in your family?
nope.

Do you just want to yell in someone's face right now?
yes. a few people..
#1 person) STFU I'M SO TIRED OF YOUR VOICE & HOW YOU FOLLOW ME AROUND EVERYWHERE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE
#2 person) I'm so done thinking about us. I'm just done with what iffing myself and you. I just really want you to know how much I'm hurting. Still. It's almost been a year, & I still hurt. How pathetic. And guess what? In reality it's all your fault.
#3 person) what the hell is your problem? seriously, girl. just chill out.
& i think that's it..

Was today a good day?
no, it was just a sad day. & i don't know why.

You got laid last night, didn't you?
yah man. totally.

Relationship status: Single, taken, complicated?
i'm single.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you said something to?
my dad.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a C?
nope.

What about a E?
no.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
ah, yes.

How many hours did you sleep last night?
8?

Is the last person you kissed mad at you?
idfk.

Do you believe that you can change for someone?
nope, not changing for anyone but myself.

Are you shy?
yessur. but not with my friends.

Are you close with your siblings?
we're pretty much on separate islands. always have been.

What were you thinking during your last kiss?
idfk.

Do you think you will get drunk sometime in the next year?
let's hope not!

Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?
yes. i'm bad at taking those kinds of risks & chances.

Are you open about your feelings or closed?
closed.

Think of the last person you told "I love you" to, did you mean it?
paige is my best friend, i'll always mean it.

Last year, do you remember who you liked?
taylor.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
no, i'm nasty.

Do you wear socks to bed?
no.

Have you ever ridden a horse?
yes.

Have you ever been in a relationship longer than 3 months?
uh no, the longest is alex & i went out from january 21 until march 23.

You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it?
idfk.

Are you clingy?
idfk.

Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like shit?
yah. i'm such a loser.

been sick

13.1.10, 6:02 PM

still am. ugh, fml.

& apparently some people at my school are going to our ONE dance of the year drunk on arrival. nice, real nice. i honestly don't care if people drink & smoke & do weed at home, because obvi i wouldn't come over and be affected, but if you're going to go to our dance drunk & think you're cool? it's pretty pathetic, especially since like NO ONE'S coming to the dance! every year, it's all rulesrulesrules bullshit, & isn't any fun anyways. & then to go and show the chaperones and people are PUT ON the dance how much respect you have? NICE. now they probably won't let the middle school have dances anymore. whateverrrrr though, since i'm leaving next year anyway. it's just pretty nasty, to do something like that. affecting not only your peers BUT LITTLE KIDS? BECAUSE YAH, THE SIXTH GRADERS ARE GONNA BE THERE TOO. i hope they don't even let you through the doors. for real.

^ no idea who these people are, but if i did i will seriously talk to them. instead i'm bashing you, blog. :) lovelovelove.

rant's over, life's weird, & i spilt food down my shirt & my bestfriend (who's a guy!) had to watch me pull down my shirt & show MAJOR CLEAVAGE to get it all out. ugggggh.

NEW YEARS PICTURES :O

6.1.10, 6:39 PM

moose kitties

thumbs up!

zach called me & ordered a nasty pizza.

we were gettin' creeeeped on! :O

MEXICAN KITTIES

lololol :D

emily hates this one but i luuuuuh it.

heart<3

our weird wine stuff was bubbblay.

scrunchy faces.

<3 i love my sister.